things i wish i knew before coming out

tw: invalidation, violence/assault mention, transmisia, alt right/neo-nazis mention, trauma mention

you can feel scared but you should also feel safe. danger and harm are not things to aspire to. you do not need to be at risk of violence to be trans.

I think it was partially that all the trans narratives I’d read involved assault, violence, transmisia. I feel relatively safe in the area I live in, and I thought coming out had to be a struggle. It doesn’t.

it turned out that my area is really pretty transmisic, but i think the level of it is typical? i’m not sure. i don’t have anywhere to compare it to.

also I do this thing where I want to be a voice for every community. This is partially because I tend not to trust others; I prefer speaking from firsthand experience, which is rooted in things my parents told me and my trauma. But I can’t do that, obviously. i’m learning how to tell myself that i can’t do everything and be okay with that.

~

i didn’t see xe/xem/xir pronouns listed places. I thought of them in bed from a trick i’d read in a website, take the second letter of her and the last of him > xem and the second letter of his and the last of her > xir. it clicked.

Also i didn’t know how to pronounce the x so I said it like it was mandarin pinyin. I mean there’s no standardized pronunciation of pronouns but also. rip.

i looked it up on wikipedia the next day. it’s listed there as xe/xem/xyr. i thought it was the only appropriate method of pronouning. I came out with xe/xem/xyr even though i didn’t like them as much. yes one letter can make a difference pls no hate ;-;

~

a few days after i was reading a queer teen lit magazine because my mom wanted me to submit my writing to things and one of the authors used xe/xem/xir pronouns. i considered coming out again.

i didn’t want to bother people again with my pronoun preference. it took me until two weeks ago to finally change it on all the social media (rip) and it’s infinitely easier to type.

oh yea this is ur psa that i did change the spelling of my pronouns, xe/xem/xir not xe/xem/xyr please thx

~

it’s been eight months. i just realized that. i’m definitely not the same person i was when i came out and it’s vaguely terrifying to realize that i’ll be an entirely different person even a year from now. hells, in 2016 i posted regularly. dang.

i think this is one of the best things that has happened to me in life so far. it’s opened me up and made me raw and hurt me in places i never realized i could be. but it’s real. it feels right. it is right.

ur transness is beautiful x

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “things i wish i knew before coming out”

    1. it’s discrimination against trans ppl, -misia means hate. instead of -phobia, since discrimination isn’t a mental illness (like agrophobia / claustrophobia)

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s