Post-election feelings

(i realize that there have been 120389109238120938+ posts about this already and i’m kind of late, so feel free to skip if you’re also in a horrible headspace… and/or skip to the end. my coping strategies are at the end.)

I’m… really pissed off. And really scared.

I was planning on coming out to my teachers and getting my hair cut short. I’m scared to do that now. Yes, I live in California, but the area I live in has Asians Galore ™. Never mind the fact that Asians are technically PoC. They want Tr*mp because of taxes. And also because Hillary and the Democrats support SBAC5 (i think that’s what it is? basically it says that people are accepted to colleges based on the percentage of their race in the US or something like that, and since there are a lot of asians going to good colleges, the asians are pissed).

edit: ahh i cri i’m talking about the many many conservative asians in my area. asians are not a monolith pls don’t assume all of them have the same beliefs b/c of this ;-;

This is why I can’t tolerate people who vote Trump.

I spent election night crying and watching twitter explode and being kind of physically sick and being grateful that I didn’t have homework due the next day. My history teacher keeps saying that we needed to band together (and possibly to give Tr*mp a chance) and I was pissed off again. And I have a suspicion that he’s ableist. That happens. I used to like him.

I’ve been alternating between anxiety, being physically ill, and maintaining a kind-of calm. The kind-of calm part being produced by looking at pretty things on Tumblr. Everything else produced by people talking about how we should band together and also by my dad ranting about how Tr*mp is great and Hillary’s horrible. And my mom defending people voting for Tr*mp. Uuuushhhhhghhhh.

(he found a clip of one of trump’s relatives speaking chinese and i was confused?? like no they’ll never be more asian than me :)))))) )

Here is a good article, not that you’ll need it (i hope), deconstructing the “but i didn’t vote for racism” excuse: http://whatever.scalzi.com/2016/11/10/the-cinemax-theory-of-racism/

I’m failing tragically at NaNo and my wordcount’s 20000. yayyyyyy

Also, I was sick last week. It was horrible and now I’m mostly better but I came out of it really depressed (disassociative?) because I got nothing done. And I keep thinking about how I’m non-binary and it’s so hard to be out at everyone / not be misgendered / remember my own pronouns / get people to actually use my pronouns. And how it would be a lot easier to be cis but YOU CAN’T BE CIS WHEN YOU’RE ENBY GODS

I made a pronoun bracelet for myself last week though. I wore it for a day and realized a) people don’t actually notice pronoun bracelets, b) i hate bracelets (see: i’m probably autistic), c) it’s really nerve-wracking because i don’t know who’s transphobic and if they even know what enby genders are and how they’re going to react, esp. if they know me already. but it’s a nice bracelet (xe/xem with letters in trans colors, the rest of the beads with genderqueer colors *star eyes*).

Also all the advice for transitioning as a trans person online is for adults / people who are out and that’s kind of pissing me off…

Also I suck at being social and knowing what to say and not hurting people when i tell them things so if you have any advice regarding that hmu

Mainly I’ve been arting at an unprecedented rate (but not writing much). I decorated my room:

two shelves, one really messy and the other neat with piles of books, four origami swans hanging from the top, and a candle burning behind the swans

(as you can see, i am the least organized person ever) (also the small red book under the tape is a chinese dictionary) (no one wants to know that)

and I wrote a Victoria Schwab tweet on my arm. She tweets good things. (ps i’m not self harming i just had to redraw the sword like ten times and that’s why it’s red)

my arm against a gray background with the quote 'i will get up tomorrow and write about a world in which monsters are slain' written on it and a pencil drawn above and a sword drawn below

Also, one of my facebook friends shared a meditation called “fuck that: an honest meditation” on her timeline and it is good. Obv, swearing > https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92i5m3tV5XY

and i’m spending way too much time on tumblr oops

Stay safe. I love you. How are you doing?

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7 thoughts on “Post-election feelings”

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