a coming out, mostly

photo-on-10-9-16-at-10-40-pm

hi. i’m pansexual (panromantic? pancurious? ace?) non-binary/gender neutral. i’ve only figured that out in the last month or so, so that’s probably going to change.

i don’t normally dress like this. that vest is a) not really finished and b) does not fit me in the slightest. Tucked into my pants for a reason.

MANLY PONYTAILS.

they/them or xe/xem/xyr pronouns. i might change my name because cynthia is the most gendered name of ever, but it also means changing my handle on EVERYTHING AHH.

NOT OUT TO MY PARENTS. I mean, i told my mom but i don’t think she believes me. probably will never be out to dad. out-ish to friends (meaning, i changed my gender / bio / pronouns on facebook. sue me). i stole the clothes from my dad.

HOW DOES ONE COME OUT PROPERLY HELP.

(and yes i realize that today is the day before national coming out day. yes i planned this. smiley face.)

p.s. i did eventually get nail polish, though it wasn’t the kind i blogged about earlier.

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5 thoughts on “a coming out, mostly”

  1. My advice for coming out:

    Step 1) Breathe

    Step 2) Develop your support system of close friends of whom you can share anything with. These close friends need to be there for you no matter what and they will be your strength when you need courage and support and help when others may freak out or not accept you for who you are. You will need friends that can back you up and lend a hand if things go horribly wrong– but they will also encourage you when things seem the most difficult. They will also be there when things go right and will also likely show that your coming out is not as big an ordeal. Having good friends to come out to first will make a difference and make coming to parents a bit easier because your friends can help make the situation seem much more ho-hum normal.

    Step 3) You may want to consider counseling with someone who is LGBT knowledgable. This way, you can work out any feelings and anxieties you may have and any stress you may feel. It may also be a good resource of information about how to approach coming out, how you truly identify, and how you can safely and confidently express your gender identity without fear or judgment.

    Step 4) Never feel like you have to come out to everybody on the planet! You decide who needs to know what and when and how much they need to know. This is your private business and if you like to wear men’s cut clothes or sport short hair cuts or masculine hairstyles or whatever, that’s your choice. If you feel you lean more masculine than feminine or maybe some days you feel somewhere in the middle, that’s okay. You have a right to your feelings and a right to decide who you feel you are. You do not have to justify or explain everything to everyone.

    Step 5) Coming out to the parent(s) of your choice. Do this only if and when you have an established support system of friends around you to have your back in the event your parents may react negatively or with hostility. You’ll want a back-up plan in the event your parents can’t deal with you or you can’t deal with your parents. You want to have a safe space to go to in the event they kick you out of the house. This could be the case– but it is not always the case. Prepare for the worst but keep in mind, the best is also quite possible. For many transgender and gender non-conforming kids, teens, and young adults, this can be a very vulnerable situation to be in so it is very important to have a safe space to go to and trusted friends who know your situation before you approach your parents.

    When coming out to your parent(s), be calm. Do not bombard your parent(s) with everything all at once. Don’t just toss a pile of brochures and booklets on their laps and expect them to “get it” and be satisfied or totally understanding. Start by expressing your feelings for them, expressing your fears, expressing your current feelings and what you have been doing to learn about your feelings. You might just give a basic explanation of your identity frustrations. Invite questions– but don’t feel like you have to answer every question if you simply do not have the answer. You may not have all the answers– and chances are, it will take a long time to get those answers. Do your best to be honest.

    Expect that it will take a while before your parents make the adjustments or get comfortable with what you have said. It could take weeks, months, maybe even a year or two. Remember, they have a right to their feelings and confusion too. Give them time to process everything. This will not be easy for them to understand.

    Step 6: Keep breathing. It’s okay to be express yourself in any way that feels comfortable to you. It’s okay to experiment and develop a personal style of dress that makes you feel confident, relaxed, and good. Do not feel pressured to be too manly or too feminine. You decide how you want to look and how you wish to identify. At first though, when helping your parents adjust, be mindful that how you express yourself may be a bit of a shock to them. Take things in small little steps so they can ease into seeing you for who you feel you are. You may even ask them for style advice so they can feel they have an opportunity to help you.

    Hope this helps!

    Liked by 1 person

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