when the world is crushing your heart that doesn’t want to keep beating
- eat something. drink some water. or intake sugar.
- run. exercise. punch a pillow, or bed, or something. please don’t hurt yourself though.
- breathe. hide somewhere quiet and hug yourself and close your eyes and breathe.
- if it is required that you do something: if you can’t do it don’t be afraid back down, or skip it, or stop halfway through. it’s okay. you’ll get through it. you’re stronger than you think you are; you’ve gotten this far.
- tell your friends. if they don’t support you, they aren’t your friends.
- if you’re not comfortable with friends: teachers, adults, random stranger.
- if you have no one physical to talk to, i love you and will be here for you. on the internet though, physical friends are better. tumblr me. also, there’s the contact page. also, if we’re friends on facebook / twitter, message.
- put yourself first. don’t do things if it makes your mental health plummet. you don’t have an obligation to care for other people. your. health. comes. first.
this is as much of a post for you as for me. a list of reminders, if you will. my mental health has been utterly horrid for the last month. (have i said this before? give me a moment) (no not really.)
BLOG OF WHY I’M FLOATING IN A PUDDLE OF DEPRESSION & ANXIETY / WHY I LACK PROPER CAPITALIZATION
on wednesday (sep. 21) i told approx. 50% of my school that i had depression. there was a speaker event about stress and mental health ties into that, right? the speaker asked for student voices and i volunteered (after about ten hours of agonizing).
i’d been thinking about it the day before because the speaker had come to my middle school before and i knew this was a thing he did. also, i didn’t like him much (i kind of hate motivational speakers) and I had to keep telling myself that i wasn’t doing it for him. I was doing it for the school.
Basically i said a) that depression exists here, and b) that if you’re depressed, you’re not alone. at least, i think that’s what i said. it’s kind of blurry.
i still hate that guy. i didn’t like him in middle school either. too loud. and bad jokes. and really loud sound effects. (#i’m still probably autistic or at least have a few autistic qualities #i was covering my ears for like half of it #my hands were freezing and also shaking but that’s beside the point)
i recommend the exercise to everyone no i was terrified and anxious for the rest of the day but i think it had to be said. one of my teachers emailed my parents (TERRIFYING). one of my friends has validated me (re: depression exists, you did the right thing and will help the world be a better place okay no they didn’t say that) and a bunch of them have voiced support (some somewhat awkwardly though). and now I have a list of safe spaces on campus.
also, a shitload of math homework. more math homework than i know what to do with. I WANT HOMEWORK PASSES DANGIT.
and my parents still don’t know.
proud though. somewhere hiding beneath the anxiety.